Those frantic moments when getting dressed up for a wedding, or function of some sort....Where nothing seems to fit exactly the way you want it to....Moments that make you feel inadequate, slightly too fat...Where your confidence falls slightly short. ..wishing that 5 kilos could just miraculously fall off your body!!
I admit to being that person at times. ...A ball of anxiety that must inevitably face up to the skinny people. ..No way out...
I admit that I feel insecure, disappointed in this body that has let me down...that despite my best attempts, has stayed the same...
I admit to telling so many others that their beauty shines through the slightly extra kilos; and not believing it in myself...
When I search beyond the surface of my anxiety, I remember the best advice my father has ever given to me...when I was young and viewed the world through "Skinny eyes"....when discussing wardrobe malfunctions with my sisters as a teenager.
He said that that day I stepped out looking my best, and that every other person was wearing THEIR best; and that even though it didn't meet my standard, someone else's best should never be compared, judged, analysed, criticised.
I realise that my real fear is not in who I am, but rather in how others perceive me...That the next person has no idea of the effort I put into being healthy, the constant struggle to achieve my goals. That all they will see is "Fat Namu"...
Today I accept that despite what others may think of me, on this day I might not look THE best...but I have stepped out and I am looking MY best!!!!
Peace,
NAMU :)
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