I'm not sure if I was pleasantly surprised, but surprised I was when I read the finer print of the kids' reports. I wasn't quite prepared for the longer than usual Summer vacation and although it's a welcomed change from our normal rat race and routine, I am struggling to find a balance between having the kids home full time and squeezing in some time for myself.
Sometimes, when we resist our present moments, we set ourselves up for more internal conflict and despair. It's true that my gym and writing schedules are slightly off sync, that alone time and quiet time is virtually non existent, that I've thought about secretly changing my name so that I don't have to respond to 'Mom' ....but in my longing for bits of my normal routine, I am losing out on my present moment, my moments with my kids.
I'm losing out on jumping into the pool and swimming all afternoon, I'm losing out on walks on the beach and trips to the park, I'm losing out on doing art and collective cooking and the random conversations (which is quite hilarious with the tweens!). I'm losing out on discovering who they are and how the year has changed them. How much will time still change them, I wonder, while I'm trying to steal moments for myself instead of actually BEING in the moment.
So, for the next month or so, I will be living in the moment. Which might mean less time for myself, but will mean a lot more time spent where it is needed. Where it is wanted. Which might, in turn, relieve me from the struggle of wanting to do it all...
Happy Holidays Everyone!
Peace,
NAMU :)
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