It feels like we barely even started, but already, we have passed the halfway mark of the fast! It's crazy how quickly the days have sped by, and how all too soon our focus will turn to Eid and all the preparation it entails. It's strangely beautiful though, how each year, we start to look forward to this month with increased enthusiasm; and how we exit it feeling like we haven't utilised our time enough.
It's no wonder then that I'm feeling particularly guilty about the time slipping through my fingers this year without having invested it in the way that I intended. My momentum completely ruined already on day one! It's hard enough starting Ramadan on a weekend; with the kids at home and not getting that hour to yourself that you crave; but it's only made worse when one of said kids is starting his first year of fasting...demanding all my attention, as well as whatever little energy I have! Add to that the pressure of exam month and the kids coming home super early, and I have been left with hardly any time for myself.
But as chaotic as life can be with kids - especially when you're trying to steal some moments of solace- there's also something genuinely rewarding in those moments as you lay with your children and fill their hearts with love as you help to encourage them as they embark on this journey of self-improvement. I've had to accept that part of my purpose is not only securing my own growth, but also the beings who have been put in my care. It's made me think that sometimes we are so busy looking for big dramatic moments and great epiphanies, that we forget to look towards these smaller moments that too is directing big changes to start churning within. Because this month, it has been in those moments with my children that I have felt the greatest connections to my Creator.
I think us moms have it the hardest! When you have kids, you always feel like you're never doing enough. Constantly pulled in different directions...torn between what we want to do and what life throws our way. But as always, when we our minds are awakened to the prospect of change and growth; we often find it in the most unsuspecting places!
It hasn't helped (or perhaps it has) that every time I have logged onto the internet I have watched a video that has made me truly sob and weep from the bottom of my heart! All with a similar message and undercurrent that I am certain was purposefully directed to me through Divine intervention. Somewhat forcing the wheels of change that I have been craving for and felt like I was missing out on...
Needless to say, the first week was tough- on me and my little guy; but it completely amazes me how much my child has changed in just these few days...far less demanding, much more accepting, and in a time and era of instant gratification; perhaps the most noticeable change is new developed sense of patience!
As for the older ones; trying to juggle fasting and studying has been a bit of a challenge, but they're doing so much better than last year! A little more focused and a bit more determined than before...and I'm hoping their increased efforts will yield better results Inshaa Allah <3
That's if from me!
Thanks for reading!
Peace,
NAMU :)
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